Monday, March 8, 2010


We went to San Francisco a couple years ago and for one thing, I love you, San Francisco and if it weren't for your silly baseball team and your affinity for fish, I'd move there in a minute!

San Francisco is amazing and if you've never been you should go. I have a BFF Vicki who lives up there. Hook up with her, I'm sure she'll let you stay. Yeah, no problems, I'm sure. She likes camping too, so maybe extra bonus points if you're of serial killer variety.

But yeah, San Fran, you're hip, dude. 

Everybody knows how sweet San Francisco is. 

Let me tell you about Alcatraz.

Alcatraz makes me wish I was a gangster or money launderer of the greatest offense, or both. And back in the 1950s. And then I'd duckbill my hair, steal some spoons from the slop house and dig my way out.  "To freedom?", you may ask.  No, I respond. Not yet. To the icy waters of the bay. Choppy, icy shark infested waters (I don't think there are really sharks) and I'd swim the mile and a half, against current and pop up on the shores of the The Embarcadero- 

okay, now I'm just making stuff up. But how cool would that be! Ah, man. 

Alcatraz. Did I mention that I am insanely obsessed with Alcatraz? And in a shocking twist of stuff, I didn't steal any of these photos! These were all taken by me. I know, what a photographer I've turned out to be. Oh, shush now, you're embarrassing me. 

See that bald guy at the back near the flag? That's not me. 

Before it was a prison, the island was a military base and they would just shoot the crap out of whatever boats they deemed necessary to bomb crap out of. And then because it was SO uninhabitable being it's just a rock out in cold icy waters, well, they turned it into a military prison, then a real prison. Or something. I don't know, I'm not a tour guide. Look it up. 

Look at the seagull! 

See the shadows in the right hand bottom corner? Way creepy, huh? But nope. 
Not ghosts. Just me and Billy. 

This one is WAY Shawshank looking huh? Except for those dudes back there. I could beat those dudes up. Get 'em with a shiv in the back if they looked at me wrong. Threaten 'em for their brownie and cigarettes. See, I know. I could totally be locked up in here. Michael Scofield style! 

And see how close San Francisco is? You can see the streets! That's so awesome! They said that prisoners could hear the sounds of the city and it would drive them crazy. Behind me when I took this picture is Cell Block C (ish) where the solitary confinement dudes - Like the Bird Man of Alcatraz were and on New Years Eve they could hear the music and celebrations, watch the fireworks. That's crazy! And not bad for prison life. Come on. Music, fireworks? Stop your whining, Prisoners of Old. 

This was a house! People used to live on the island, like the families of the people who worked at the prison and the kids used to play with inmates (don't worry about it, I'm sure they were all like the nice dudes from Green Mile) and then take the ferry to school everyday. How cool did they roll?!

And enjoy this So I Married an Axe Murderer Alcatraz moment. 

Okay, some links. 

Now go see every movie ever made about Alcatraz. Like Escape from Alcatraz. Speaking of escaping from Alcatraz, I could totally do it. Did you see the Mythbusters episode on it? Oh those Mythbusters. I love them.  

Here's them talking about it. 

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