Monday, May 20, 2013

Ghost Farts.

real ghost
I've become OBSESSED with ghost hunting shows. And paranormal shows. And pretty much anything that talks to dead people. Anything that's a real show that shows real things. None of this Paranormal Activity crap. That stuff gives me the spooks.

A psychologist would probably tell you that it has something to do with my dead sister, but when you start talking stuff like that then the pity party rug rolls out and then the finger pointing and hushed whispers and anyway, it's not so that I can talk to my sister like some sad sack from the John Edwards audience.


(Don't tell anyone but sometimes I try to talk to my dead sister. But that doesn't make me crazy.)



Let's start this over.



Where were we? OH! Ghost hunting.

Want to know which one's I watch? ALL OF THEM. I do. If I see that green screen it's Game On, guy.

Ghost Adventures or if you're my husband, "Ghost Bro"

So while we're here, let's talk about Ghost Adventures, which I just noticed was on the Travel Channel and not SyFy like all the others which is why I haven't seen it in a bunch of forevers. Hahah. Oh me. Anyway Ghost Adventures? Fake. Probably. And I keep calling it Ghost Adventurers which is really a better name for the show, am I right? My husband HATES this show and its Ed Hardy clad crew.



I love it. I like how Zak Bagans tough talks ghosts. He's so tough.


By the waaaay!!!!!!  DID YOU KNOW HE HAS A RECORD OUT?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ridiculous.



Click here to iTunes that gold.

Lol. I can't even with this. I think it's got to be a joke being played on me. I think my husband must be behind this. No way this is a thing.


"It's a thing, Bro"

And then the totally fake Haunted Collector. Psh.


This one. First off, how does a ghost grab onto an object and haunt the object? 'Cause if that's true, I'm never borrowing a pen ever again.


And I saw one episode that had a ghost going under the covers and then a lady who's totally hooking up with the main dude, grandpa or whatever his name is, she goes into a hole, digs around for about a second and a half and pulls out this "haunted coin". Lol. Did the ghost tell her where it was?

There's an old German Ghost yelling Jewish slurs up in this coin. 


And then there's the Ghost Hunters show. (Is that what it's called? I should look this up)



Ghost Hunters International, that's what I said. I mostly like that there's a lady named Amy on there and her hair looks blonde in night vision mode but she's really red haired. I like her better in night vision mode.



And TAPS which is the one I believe the most. Well, I think I believe the Ghost Hunters International one too. Wait. I think Amy's on TAPS? I don't.... I'm really bad at this. This is why I don't have a job at TV Guide.

The only reason.

Anyway.


Wait, are they the same show? I don't know. I don't pay attention. It's a ghost show, I don't care.

These TAPS dudes work as plumbers during the day.



Holy craps. I've just figured the whole thing out. Maybe they are fakes and let me tell you why.

Ghost farts.



Let me tell you that I am in LOVE with the Long Island Medium. Also, she blames farts on ghosts. I'm not kidding. Here's the episode if you want to watch.



And now I think TAPS might be blaming ghosts for their stink.

All of them are. If you have a gas issue, become a paranormal investigator. Or a medium. BLAME THE GHOSTS.

"What was that noise? Did you fart?" Nope, ghost.

"What's that smell?!" Ghost.

See?

So when I was watching Anderson Cooper today, I saw these ladies.



The Ghost Hunting Moms.



These are my people!!! Off to read their blog now.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Pinterest. Otherwise known as The Highway to Hell.

"Crafts I'll do one day". lol
When I was in junior high, a couple of the popular girls told me how to put on make-up. See, I lived with my dad in junior high and even though he taught me how to shave my legs and mullet my hair, make-up was over the line of dad-knowledge. So the popular girls taught me. 

Popular Girl #1: "No, yeah, you go ahead and use this blush here"

Me: "Like, where, here on my cheek?"

Popular Girl #2: "No, all over. Go ahead and blend it all in, your forehead, yeah, all over"



Me: "Don't I look too red?"

Popular Girl #1: "No way, you look good."

I couldn't figure out why everyone was snickering at me on the bus the whole ride home. Couldn't have been the make-up 'cause I looked gooooood. 



So no, I wasn't popular in junior high or high school. 

And yeah, those popular girls ended up running a site called Pinterest. Probably. 




I was introduced to Pinterest about a year ago by my sister-in-law who assured me of all its usefulness. 

Sister-In-Law: "No yeah, you go ahead and use this website here"

I love Pinterest except that it introduces me to some plain awful ideas I may not have come up with left to my own devices. 

Here's a particularly saucy pin that lured me into trouble. 

Cloud Dough. Hahahah. 

Cloud dough. 

What was I thinking? 

You know what I was thinking? I was trying to keep up with those lying sacks of "homeschool moms" that somehow have time to Pinterest, you know what I'm saying?


So anyway, back to my nonsense. I was trying out this other pin I saw on Pinterest about putting silicone caulking on paper to make it sewable and these kids of mine were driving me nuts. So logically, I brought out Cloud Dough. 

If you don't want to be bothered clicking around to find out what cloud dough is, it's flour and baby oil. 

8 cups of flour. 

I know. I realize this now. 

But the pin promised my kids would be entertained by brain stimulating activities for hours. 


lol. 

More like


So, I'm still not popular. 

Nor do I know how to put on make-up. If you've just now decided that you don't know how to put on make-up either ask Becky, my friends. Don't consult Pinterest. 

OH! Here's my Pinterest if you want a piece of my action. You know you do. 

Friday, May 3, 2013

The 50's Housewife Experiment



Image: dollymix.tv

Hi.

Remember when I had a blog and I was real good at keeping up with it and stuff? Well, since then I went from having one kid to having two kids and now I can barely keep up with my Facebook addiction much less blog about cool stuff. Sad face indeed.

So I've gone from this happy lass

Image: flickr

to this

Image: tvworthwatching.com 


BUT, instead of finishing what I need to finish to get my etsy shop up and running, I'm writens a blog.



Because when Becky showed me this blog about a 50's Housewife Experiment holy moley I knew what I had to do.

I needed to pull my stockings up and clean my house. And then blog about it, of course.

Image: mamabirth.blogspot.com


Now, it took me about 4 hours that first day just to get through dusting my bedroom. I took a few "I Love Lucy" and Dr. Phil breaks, if we're honest. But I did it all, the ceiling fan, the pictures on the wall, all of it.



And being that I don't know when the last time I dusted was, it kind of looked like, at some point, my house might have been in the path of volcano ash.

So it's taken some time to get this to not seem like a big chore, and it's been like 2 weeks or something and still haven't tackled my kitchen BUT I've kept on it. Everyday I open all the windows, I air the farts out of the bed which is pretty much the technical term for pulling off all the covers and lettin' that baby breathe and then I take one of those really soft socks that I only have one left because of the dryer 

Image: jbrulee.com

and I dust all my stuff which actually makes me want to get rid of about 90% of my things because, no one wants to dust a hoarder's house. And then I go into the bathroom, shake out the towels and refold them nicely, I wipe down the sink and little shelf thing above my toilet. And, because I live with 3 guys, two of them potty trained, I must COMPLETELY wipe down the entire toilet and surrounding wall and floor area with vinegar and a rag. Gross. So I do that, I sweep the floor and I empty the trash. 

Then I make the beds. 

And I scurry about the home like a little Cinderella that says swear words when she steps barefoot on legos. 

Image: laurievandermark.com


And you know what? I think I like it. Not the stepping on legos, but the routine. And I don't finish everything everyday but cleaning something that's clean is so much faster than cleaning something that's not clean. 

It's sounds so silly. Don't you judge me.  

And let me tell you when I KNEW I was onto something. Yesterday I had a surprise FIVE CHILDREN in my house at once. And as they walked in, my house was already clean. Not after they left mind you, but when the mom of 3 of them came into my home after my little "Don't mind the mess" speech, 


this was her face, I'm pretty sure

Worth it. 

So yeah. Awesome. Now if I could only figure out how to work a shower into the mix, we'd be golden, baby. 


Image: etsy

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