Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Instagram kid.

You know that kid, the impossibly perfectly dressed kid who is the same age as my Wally? The kid we all wish our sons would dress like? Or our husbands? 

Well I can't even get my kids to wear clothes half the time and when they do, they insist on dressing themselves which, although character and self esteem building, means that they are often dressed like Ace Ventura. 

Like a lot of the time.

So back to this Instagram kid. He's adorable. He has impeccable style and he's inspired others(' parents). 

And there in lies my problem with this. Either those kids are not able to be normal kids or they are ripping the crap out of their Stella McCartney pants as soon as the photographer (or mom) turns her back. 

What impossible egos are these kids growing into? It's like American Psycho, the prequel. 

I sound like a jealous monster. Maybe I am. I mean, I am in that I wish my boys were these polished, perfect Instagram kids but then I think of the reality of the situation; my kids could find dirt and mud in the most sterile of environments. They're like Rambo of dirt. 

And possibly these Instagram boys are more like my boys than their pictures would have you know. 

It's like Toddlers and Tiaras for boys. 

Oh my god, TLC! Get on that, I would so watch that show. 

Here if you want to read more about the Instagram kid. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

John Lennon ghost wants me to keep the internet and you don't argue with John Lennon ghost.

Pop Quiz!

What do you get when the most disorganized person in the world tries to take on PTA fundraising responsibilities, run an etsy shop, agrees to attempt to write a comic strip, agrees to attempt to write a book, and tries to write jokes in her kid's lunch box everyday because she saw it on Pinterest?

Me. You get me, the disorganized fool spending the rest of the day slagging off all of everything, watching the kids play outside for hours and sipping on wine.

And now as I type this, feet kicked up in defiance of THE MAN, very much Ferris Bueller to be honest, I'm listening to my kids kill each other in the other room and I'm going to have to go investigate this, aren't I? 

Oh, nevermind, here they come yelling at me.  Apparently there's been an attempted murder by "slapping and a cardboard brick to the eye and even the nose!"

This is why I feel like I'm opting out today. Because I feel like I'm on the verge of drowning and so, going gently into that goodnight, I just stop swimming. 

(I have dreams like this, by the way. Where I'm holding on the outside edge of a hot air balloon, certain death below me and I start questioning if it is just easier to let go.) 

I should disclaim here that I am not suicidal. That's also the second time I've felt the need to write that down in my life so that people know that- yo, murdered.  The other time was when I was 12 and I wrote in my sparkly journal, I wrote "if I ever die, I was murdered because I would never kill myself. I am not suicidal" and then I wrote something about how cute Johnny Depp is. So, similar if not exact to how I feel today. 

Also, when I was 5 I made a deal with the devil or whoever that I was never going to die so, suck it, haters. And murderer.
Anyway, back to my story of when I was outside ignoring everyone digital and just watching the boys play, I realized how very little I take time to do this anymore. I'm always answering emails and facebooks and tweets and looking at Pinterest and not just watching the boys play in the dirt which used to be mud but, drought. 

This makes me think that we need to break up, internet.

I feel the worst for my husband in all of this because, first off, the kids don't care. They really don't, Every Other Mommy Blog I've Read this Week. Here's the thing; they know that I love them, that I put the phone or computer down whenever they have question or speak in my direction, I have two sets of ears, the mom ears directed at only them 90% of the day, and the boys are pretty much ignoring me anyway and somehow, despite ALL my screw-ups, they are the most polite, loving, well-adjusted kids I could hope for. So whatever. Raise your kids how you do. 

But back to the husband, "Ward" as we call him. I think he has to hate me by now. Because when I put myself into his shoes, I'm the worst as wife. He does all the dishes, grocery shopping, money making (mostly unless you want to buy my stuff from my etsy shop??????) and in general, I probably look like Peggy Bundy. He would never say that to me but, this is how it looks from outside my skin. 

So, I've made up my mind. I'm going to kill a few birds with the Amy vs America's Housekeeping stone that I have been not throwing for many months. It begins tomorrow. I don't care how busy I get, I'm back on the ball. I will schedule time to do it. And sewing. 

I just don't know how this applies to my interneting. I think I have to take a bre- OH MY GOD IMAGINE JUST CAME ON THE TV JOHN LENNON DOES NOT APPROVE OF OUR BREAKUP, INTERNET. 

Alright, it's settled. 

Saturday, August 9, 2014


So tomorrow night I'm seeing Paul McCartney for the second time. 

I have yet to get "out of my mind" excited. 

Until now. I just took some stupid Facebook quiz about how many Beatles songs I know by lyrics or whatever and this thrill and chill went through my bones

Oh, and? I know all of them. Pshaw!

Oh and also? I am seeing a Beatle tomorrow night!!!!! 

So I don't think I ever told the story about getting a new iphone (the pink one) and losing 80% iTunes library.

Sean Lennon- gone.

weezer- gone. 

Girl Groups of the 60s- gone. 

A million years ago and a million moves ago, I somehow lost my Magical Mystery Tour cd. And being that Beatles' Apple and iTunes' Apple didn't get along so well for a very long time, I couldn't just download it and be done. And I didn't ever get around to going to a record store and picking up a new one so my Beatles collection has been down one Beatle album for a very very long time. 

Finally, after all the dramatics and whatever, Beatles were on iTunes (and hitting the music charts again btw) and I splurged. 

I finally re-got Magical Mystery Tour and played the crap out of it. 

And my Beatles collection was complete and listenable from my phone at anytime I saw fit. 


Fast forward to present day Sherman Oaks. 

Thanks, iTunes, I currently have one Beatles album left. 

Magical Mystery Tour.

Goo goo gajoob.