Monday, July 6, 2009

Think anyone will notice if I wear Support Hose in the swimming pool?

Would they?

So I'm battling the enemy that is my self-esteem, who's teamed up with guilt. I'm barely holding on! If I were a normal person, I would've already called the YMCA and signed my small child up for Mommy & Me swim lessons. I feel the butterflies in my stomach just writing that last sentence. But no, the crazy person in me is absolutely incapacitated from fear.

To start: I don't know anyone who looks like Twiggy.

And I can tell you that I most certainly don't. But MY GOD! how I wish that I did. But most people don't. So why should this stop me from getting into a bathing suit? Here's my failing rationalization. If nobody is looking like Twiggy (except maybe Alexa Chung),

Then why do I feel as sick to my stomach as I do to pudding my way into a swimsuit? I know most of my ladies probably feel the same way that I do, but I don't see it. I feel like I'm the only one who looks rotten in a suit. The only one. I won't wear shorts either. Fact. And I could blame it on the baby, but let's be honest, I wouldn't have been caught dead in a swimsuit or shorts even before I ever thought of being pregnant.

It's sad to me, because you couldn't keep me out of the pool when I was younger. And I rocked the Dive Team in high school. Until I hit puberty. Then I gained like 40lbs in a semester of school. And I started becoming painfully aware that I had body that didn't do what I thought it should. Dimples where there shouldn't be dimples. Ruined my summer life for as long as I live probably.

So now I'm stuck. I need to be a mother and not a self-obsessed fool. How do I get over this little brain rebellion?

I'm going to start a revolution. NO MORE SUITS! Except maybe this thing.

But even then I'd be worrying about my calves.

So If I could get my hands on the above suit, it wouldn't be the end of it. Because then I battle the need not to fail. And I don't feel comfortable doing things I've never done before, like calling and even asking about it. And what do I do once I'm there? I know I shower... can I wear a bathrobe while I do so? I don't like looking stupid. (This is why the above suit would probably never get worn, huh?)

I need my mind to shut-up and just call the Y. Oh, somebody get me a drink.


Ben K said...

Definitely get a drink. You may be worrying about this too much... Then again, I'm not really in a hurry to wear a bathing suit either.

Amy said...

I am totally and completely worrying about this too much, and even admitting that and saying it out loud doesn't make it go away.

I did end up calling the Y today though. I do feel slightly more accomplished.