Tuesday, August 19, 2014

John Lennon ghost wants me to keep the internet and you don't argue with John Lennon ghost.

Pop Quiz!

What do you get when the most disorganized person in the world tries to take on PTA fundraising responsibilities, run an etsy shop, agrees to attempt to write a comic strip, agrees to attempt to write a book, and tries to write jokes in her kid's lunch box everyday because she saw it on Pinterest?

Me. You get me, the disorganized fool spending the rest of the day slagging off all of everything, watching the kids play outside for hours and sipping on wine.

And now as I type this, feet kicked up in defiance of THE MAN, very much Ferris Bueller to be honest, I'm listening to my kids kill each other in the other room and I'm going to have to go investigate this, aren't I? 

Oh, nevermind, here they come yelling at me.  Apparently there's been an attempted murder by "slapping and a cardboard brick to the eye and even the nose!"

This is why I feel like I'm opting out today. Because I feel like I'm on the verge of drowning and so, going gently into that goodnight, I just stop swimming. 

(I have dreams like this, by the way. Where I'm holding on the outside edge of a hot air balloon, certain death below me and I start questioning if it is just easier to let go.) 

I should disclaim here that I am not suicidal. That's also the second time I've felt the need to write that down in my life so that people know that- yo, murdered.  The other time was when I was 12 and I wrote in my sparkly journal, I wrote "if I ever die, I was murdered because I would never kill myself. I am not suicidal" and then I wrote something about how cute Johnny Depp is. So, similar if not exact to how I feel today. 

Also, when I was 5 I made a deal with the devil or whoever that I was never going to die so, suck it, haters. And murderer.
Anyway, back to my story of when I was outside ignoring everyone digital and just watching the boys play, I realized how very little I take time to do this anymore. I'm always answering emails and facebooks and tweets and looking at Pinterest and not just watching the boys play in the dirt which used to be mud but, drought. 

This makes me think that we need to break up, internet.

I feel the worst for my husband in all of this because, first off, the kids don't care. They really don't, Every Other Mommy Blog I've Read this Week. Here's the thing; they know that I love them, that I put the phone or computer down whenever they have question or speak in my direction, I have two sets of ears, the mom ears directed at only them 90% of the day, and the boys are pretty much ignoring me anyway and somehow, despite ALL my screw-ups, they are the most polite, loving, well-adjusted kids I could hope for. So whatever. Raise your kids how you do. 

But back to the husband, "Ward" as we call him. I think he has to hate me by now. Because when I put myself into his shoes, I'm the worst as wife. He does all the dishes, grocery shopping, money making (mostly unless you want to buy my stuff from my etsy shop??????) and in general, I probably look like Peggy Bundy. He would never say that to me but, this is how it looks from outside my skin. 

So, I've made up my mind. I'm going to kill a few birds with the Amy vs America's Housekeeping stone that I have been not throwing for many months. It begins tomorrow. I don't care how busy I get, I'm back on the ball. I will schedule time to do it. And sewing. 

I just don't know how this applies to my interneting. I think I have to take a bre- OH MY GOD IMAGINE JUST CAME ON THE TV JOHN LENNON DOES NOT APPROVE OF OUR BREAKUP, INTERNET. 

Alright, it's settled. 

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