Last night I was incepted into meeting John Lennon. And picking pillows up off the streets. And running like a Tony Little.

Story time with Amy! 

I was riding in the car with my mom (I think she was driving) and we were on city streets, streets I can't say I've ever been on before, but dirty trucks, buildings, alleyways, that sort of thing. We were behind a truck that had boxes piled up in the back of it. Every time the truck hit a bump, the boxes would shift and pillows would fall out, one at a time into the street and we would run over them. Brand new pillows! And I was telling my mom that I should grab a few of them because they were expensive, good pillows. I knew because of all the slaving away (telling people what to do) I did at Linens -N- Things for all those years. 

(We had cake fights)(And flabby upper arms)

The truck stopped and so did we. A blonde woman got out of the truck and my mom told her she was losing expensive pillows out the back of the truck. Dirty Do-gooder! So I offered to go retrieve some of them, hoping that I could hide one of those real good memory foam/gel ones for myself. Those things are like 100 bucks! So I was running REALLY FAST! Like I was a gazelle or something! Or on a Gazelle.

But it didn't seem too fast at the time. Anyway, I found a bunch of greasy foam bits but no pillows. I kept running and then I was like AHA! I remember! and I kept running, brushed off a dude selling something at a cart by telling him "Not now. I'm on a mission",

I was very serious-like. I ran into Hot Topic. It was more calm and chill in there than your typical Hot Topic. It was like a Warm Topic. Anyway, I thought, "Ooh, screw the pillows, I'm gonna chill out here for a little while and pick me up some tunes" and then I stopped with thought. "John Lennon runs this joint, I should just walk up to him and say hi like @ElnorYann from the twitters said she did. I could meet a real honest Beatle" thought I. So I turned around and there he was, full on denim suit, denim hat

(Classy) 

and there was Yoko just doing paperwork, never looking up. John was standing on something that made him VERY tall. I looked at him from crotch level, through the papers he was holding and I cleared my throat.

"Hey, um, can I shake your hand? I admire you a whole lot and-"

"Uh, oh yeah, yeah. There you go."

"Thanks"

Then he went back to his papers. So I grabbed my guts and my iPhone complete with pink rubber cover.

"Will you take a picture with me?"

He looked at Yoko who shook her head at him.

"Yeah sure, let's go over here I guess" he mumbled. I think I was bothering him but he was still polite. I asked a lady to take our picture and I was trying to set up the camera on the phone and I couldn't find the camera app. PANIC! John made some snarky comment that I can't remember now because my brain is clearly against me and would rather remember pillows than a conversation with a Beatle. And so I put my head against his chest/shoulder and nervously laughing said "I'll find it, I'll find it! Please don't leave me John. I'll fin-" and then I woke up.

Awesome.

LOOK AT MY AWESOME NEW PHOTOSHOP PICTURE!!! that I didn't make...

PhotoShop- Marry me. Like now. Okay, well after Elvis dies because- SWEET Mother Gladys! Look what my friend, Ingrid made me for my birthday two days ago!!!

But wait! There's more! 

Aaaaaaand they are coming soon in like a part two 'cause I'm lazy and somehow I got stuck with all this crap to do today. Like dishes and showering and grocery shopping and calling my grandma who is exactly like me, but in 81 year old form only not frail or weak or crazy minded. She's top of her game, my Grams. Like the grandma on Carol Brady's side. Only not as athletic or annoying or Florence Henderson in a wig and sweat suit. 

Here's my grandpa and grandma in the 50s. Man, they were cool then. They're cool now. That dog is dead though. Pretty sure. I also think my Grams might have been Lady Gaga.. 

Okay, I've got to go do work. Tell no one we've spoken.

"The Continuing Saga of Blackbeard" by me.

Based on true accounts. Like Blair Witch.

You want more. Admit it. 

LOST and busting out my inner Party of Five emotions.

So my heart is breaking at break fast speeds because the final ever EVER episode of LOST is a mere hours away.

And that logo will swoop over the screen for the very last time and that swoosh will swoosh for the very last time and I'll sob. I know I'll sob. 

Someone, somewhere asked the question - If you could have a MILLION dollars but could never know that outcome of LOST, would you take it? and at the time I was like "eff that!" but now-now I want the money because if I never see the ending then it never ends, right? 

Oh my goodness, I'm clearly not thinking clearly. 

I feel like Jack Shephard in the Season 3 finale. 

Oh, thanks for reminding me, Jack. Here's what I'm gonna need. A drink and an old cell phone. And a beard. And a band-aid. I'm all hooked up on the stained wife-beater and the sweaty face. 

Okay, because I can't let go, here's some random LOST I've pulled off the internet. Because that's what you do when you've been broken up with-- you act like an obsessive idiot. 

Here we go! Feel free to cry with me and add along. Or write a blog yourself but you have promise to share with me. 

I stole this from here. 

Will the end of LOST kill me as much as this did?! Because I don't think I can take it. "But let's face it Charlie. You're gonna die"

Oh, Charlie Pace. You were my FAVE!!!! 

And AW, Desmond! 

Which brings me to Daniel Faraday - I hated you, Dude and then I loved you. And then you died, but then came back and I'm so scared that I will never see you again! 

Oh silly LOST. 

And now I just found out that once Dodger pitcher Jose Lima has just died. My heart aches!

Being crazy at LAX - The late, the hilarious Lima Time! 

Today is too much. 

Here. I made you a mixed tape.

1

School dances, mixed tapes and awkward smiles.

ANGST! 

Angstiness is next to godliness and I should be in a John Hughes movie.  I mean, for realzzzzzz.

So, because I like livin' on the awkward edge and angst is my favorite thing to watch- I've made you a mixed tape. It contains my feelings. Not in real life, but in imaginary life anyway.

Side A

-Patsy Cline - She's Got You 

-The Zombies - She's Not There

-Bobby Vee - Take Good Care of my Baby

-Elvis Presley - Baby, Let's Play House

-The Supremes - The Happening 

-Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed

Side B

-Simon & Garfunkle - Cecilia

-The Beatles - I Will 

-Buddy Holly & The Crickets - Maybe Baby

-Elvis Presley - She's Not You

-The Shangri-Las - Remember Walkin' in the Sand

-Otis Redding - Try a Little Tenderness

So here's to wishes, yes? Angst just makes the heart beat stronger. 

I Want to Believe....but not be considered crazy and stuff.

Due to my huge mind-crush on Neil deGrasse Tyson and my thoughts that I could've been an astrophysicist if I'd put more effort into smarts and goals and less into collecting Beatles knowledge and posters, I came across this video.



It's about aliens, if they're out there and if we can hear their radio signals and all that. At first I was like, "Alright crazies. Go sleep on your loveseats and eat sunflower seeds and drink ice-tea, SETI, you Fox Mulder wannabes."

That's right, you heard me.

But! They're totally way cooler than my judgmental stink-eye gave them a minute to prove. Here's a link about the SETI Institute if you want to know more about them. You should click on it. Interesting stuff. In brief, they are looking into life outside our universe. Because really, it's INSANE to think that we are alone. It's naive, it's egotistical and just plain ridiculous. In my mind, anyway. And having said that, you now view me as this.

But I don't even worry about that though because, that dude Galileo? They laughed at his crap too, so- whatevs.

Now let me use this small window of your forgiveness to come clean. I've seen a UFO. 

I'll deny it later. 

It looked like this. 

But it wasn't in Santa Monica, and it wasn't on the ground, you sneaks. It was up in the sky and it hovered and then it flipped the way you imagine a UFO to be and then it shot off faster than fast. And then I went inside my house, tucked my head under my pillow and cried and taped my butt closed. I thought they were coming back for me. 

How old was I, you ask? Like 20. What's it to ya?! I know what I saw. 

So, where in my silly tale was I? Oh yeah, despite all of this, I don't believe in the whole AREA 51 crap. 

(Did that just get me put on an FBI list?) 

I don't believe in that whole Independence Day, MIB, ALF stuff. 

At least I don't think I do. I mean, if it were true, and the government knew about it, wouldn't they put more money into space research? Because I think that's not happening. And wouldn't there be a lot more interest in wormholes and all that? 

And if they do live among us, these aliens, why aren't they immediately exploded or crushed or killed by the atmosphere/ gravity/ bacteria of Earth? It doesn't make any sense. And how- in this sky that is so heavily guarded by everyone looking for a war fight, how do we as a human race not see one of these metal beasts coming? 

So if I don't believe aliens have visited us, how do I explain the UFO that I saw? Because I did see it. There's not a doubt in my soul that it was a UFO. And I'm not the only one. (Badum bum) 

“On August 23^rd, at 9 o’clock, I saw a U.F.O. – J.L.”

And if wormholes and all that jazz do exist, I'm using you as my constant. (Silly LOST reference. Pardon my fangirl moment.) 

When that SETI business actually pans into something real, what then? Or if that UFO I saw really turns out to be real, what then? Because none of us knows. 

But what then? Because even if we do figure out that those shiny things in the sky were made by Greg Brady in his kicky, attic bedroom and that the tugging on the edges of the universe is just some grandmother somewhere working on her knitting, what does it really matter? Does it change us? I mean, I guess it changed for all those flat-world believers, right? 

And maybe the idea that the universe is a flat plane with edges to tug doesn't make sense. Maybe it's a round thing. And maybe it's just bouncing. And maybe it's just an atom in a cell in a plant under the ocean. 

Okay, that's enough for my little brain for now. It hurts. How's about some Kids in the Hall?

Where is that special someone to stop me when I'm about to post something like this.

Hunk. YES!!! This is exactly my life story! I don't even need to write it anymore because it was already written for me in 1987. Or maybe earlier, probably.  Hot!!!

I cannot be the only one to have ever seen this movie. It's on imdb for goodness sakes. (And it has a wiki and an AllMovie overview. So there. Pssh.)


Although, when you look at the imdb, there's only one memorable quote.

Hunk Golden: I finally meet a beautiful woman and she wants me to bomb Pearl Harbor. Talk about romantic. 

Whatever, that's deep.

Anyway, this awesome film is about some nerd dude who strikes a deal with the devil and becomes HUNK hot. Hunk Golden, actually.

Mayhem goes down. Mayhem ALWAYS goes down when you strike deals with the devil. He wants your soul and who can fight the devil? He bought it, dude. Say "hasta luega, soul and also devil who has my soul" 'cause that thing is an Eternal Flame.

Trailor, anyone? Yeah, well, I can't find it. Word of warning though- when looking for it on youtube (as I know you want to do) prepare yourself for porn, 'cause... well, porn pops up. If that's your gig, you're welcome. My devil work is done.

I told you this was my life story!

So in leu of a Hunk trailer, here's Eternal Flame.

Again, you're welcome.



Is the "HUNK" license plate available yet?