Thursday, March 26, 2015

Zayn Malik and the Yoko Ono Situation

I came into the soap opera called One Direction via the rabbit hole named Larry Stylinson. I ship it hardcore without shame, by the way.

Source: tumblr

For those of you with adult lives and hobbies, Larry Stylinson is the combination of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. This generation's David Bowie/Mick Jagger aka Dick Bagger. 


Now I am an ENORMOUS Beatles fan if you don't know this about me already. I am in fact typing this from inside a three day old, cat hair covered A Hard Day's Night shirt. I'm in this for life. It is this obsession of mine that feels the need to set some things straight. 

This Zayn Malik leaving One Direction meltdown that's hit the Internet and mankind causing the heavens to open up and rain to fall worldwide, dogs to bark, wolves to howl, bats to screech, the darkness to arrive in each of us, etcetera and so on has brought out all kinds of theories, one of them seeming to blame Zayn's girlfriend, Perrie Edwards. They're comparing her to Yoko Ono leaving thousands of teenagers on Twitter to yell, "What does that even mean?? Who's Yoko Ono??" 


Sigh of a million sighs. Yoko is not amused. 

Do we as a nation, a society with all the knowledge of the world a few keystrokes of a smart phone away really not know the force that is Yoko Ono anymore??? This is a very strange outcome of this One Direction chaos that I never expected. 

The fascinating thing about Beatlemaniacs and the fans of One Direction (they're not Directioners anymore I've read) is if you switch the signs out, change the skirts into skinny jeans, and add social media to the mix, they're the same kids. 

Source: tumblr

Source: Tumblr

One Direction even have their own Apple Scruffs called The London Stalker Crew. Again, for those of you with adult things to think about, Apple Scruffs and London Stalker Crew were/are huge groups of super fans that wait for the boys wherever they happen to be in London be it 1965 or 2015. They are the same group of people, generations removed. Hang in there, London Stalker Crew, the Apple Scruffs eventualy got to sing on an honest to god Beatle album and also have a song written about them.


Dream big, kids. Dream big. 

Speaking of the Apple Scruffs singing on a song, it was rumored to be a decision made by Paul McCartney to, according to John Lennon, passive-aggressively ruin Across the Universe which was John's song. This is important, remember this. I'll get back to it in a minute. 

Yes, their fans are the same level of hysterics, they've both taken over the world, One Direction actually over-taking world records that The Beatles were locked into owning forever. The Beatles started as a rock n roll band, were crafted into a boy band to take over the world and then changed the face of rock music forever and then broke up. One Direction started as individual contestants on the X Factor, were crafted into a boyband that took over the world, have the potential to be seen as a serious group, and now Zayn's left. 


The difference in the two groups is huge though. The Beatles, finding each other and building the band organically, being huge in Liverpool and Hamburg on their own without representation they held the power, they called the shots. They always did. They felt threatened on tours so they flat out stopped touring. John Lennon wanted to sound like he was singing upside down underwater on top of a mountain, people got him a very expensive microphone hung from the ceiling dunked into a glass of water. One Direction have never held that power. They've never had ANY power. They were put together and told what to do and how to do it from the beginning. They don't necessarily get to call the shots because they are someone else's puppets. Everything about them and their lives is controlled into their images. They aren't this generation's Beatles, they are The Monkees. They are everything that happened to the Monkees but on a Beatles sized scale. They're reliving the movie 'Head'. 


No wonder Zayn needed out.

Perrie Edwards, as far as I can tell, is no Yoko Ono. Zayn Malik leaving even if because of Perrie, which I don't buy is NOT "pulling a Yoko Ono". 

It is my belief that John Lennon and Paul McCartney were soulmates. It is my belief that John fell in love with Paul. I waver back and forth if I think it went anywhere but that kind of doesn't matter. What does matter is that in the little slash fiction McLennon world that exists in my head, John felt slighted by Paul who hooked up with Linda (who by the way, was a female John). John started up with Yoko (female Paul. As I type this I feel the pitchforks coming out. Love me, Paul fans. Love me. I'm one of you! Paul for president! and all that.) 

Anyway, Yoko gave John what he was looking for from Paul and I really believe that the John Lennon-peace sign and  sunglasses-I love New York! John that the casual person would know John Lennon as, wouldn't be if not for Yoko. In the history that has been written, John needed Yoko to transform from Beatle John into freedom fighter John. The Beatles didn't break up because of Yoko, The Beatles broke up because of The Beatles. The Beatles broke up because John and Paul did stupid, spiteful things to prove to the other that they didn't need each other. John got married to Yoko 12 days after Paul and Linda wed. For spite. You will never convince me otherwise. Paul invited stalkers into the studio to ruin John's song. For spite. The 70's. All spite. 

Zayn's issues don't appear to involve the other boys at all. Zayn's issue seems to be with the machine itself. It's not a Yoko Ono situation at all. It's a Mike Nesmith one. 


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